I can’t speak words, just tears…

This is not the subject matter that I prefer to write about but I am so emotional about this that I had to put it into written, not spoken, words.  I can’t speak the words out loud of how I feel, I know that I would open my mouth and there would be no sound.  My written words pale in comparison to the emotion I feel.

Yesterday, I read the letter of the rape victim that was violated by the Stanford swimmer, Brock Turner.  I am having such a difficult time gathering my thoughts.  My first thought was what I wanted to do to Turner.  I’ll spare the details but it far exceeded the violence that he inflicted on his victim.  I can’t even put the rage I feel into words.  Immediately, my thoughts went to his victim.  I was moved by the amazing courage she displayed by exposing her heart and soul to the world.  She gave all victims of rape a voice.  While it may have been her story, I felt as though she spoke for all victims of sexual violence female and male.  As I read her words, I felt as though I were sitting next to her and I wished I could reach out and hold her hand just to let her know I care.  In my mind’s eye I see the angels that surround her and pray they will help her find comfort and some joy in her life.

Immediately upon reading her letter, I thought of the two people so close to me that were victims of sexual assault.  My heart burns…..  I thought of what I want to do to their assailants and what I want to do to Brock Turner pales in comparison. My victims did not have 2 brave Swedish men, angels, to chase down their attacker.  One of them knows their attacker and the other does not.  I don’t think it makes any difference in how they feel. It takes everything in my power not to seek revenge.  I never wanted to face the reality of how they feel but I know, in my heart, that is how they feel, exactly the way that courageous young woman feels.  I pray every day, that the face that haunts their dreams starts to fade until it disappears.  Do either of them know how often I want to reach out and just touch them, to let them know I am there.  The young woman’s letter to Turner now puts words to a conversation I have not had the courage to have with either of them.  Do either of them have any idea how much I admire them for their strength and courage.  Do either of them know that I would do anything within my power to take away their pain? I know who the angels are who protect them as they attempt to heal.

​All I can do is pray….